"Neigh, darling. I make basic look like it needs a vet. My horsebox is open 24/7 for snacks, love letters, and style tips (apples preferred, sugar cubes tolerated). Trolls? Two back legs, zero misses — daily diagnostics, 1000 angry horsepower, fully armed and freshly shod.If I don’t reply within 3 working days, assume I’m out to pasture. Clearly the grass is greener with no wi-fi."